Life is funny. You see it the older you get from a bigger perspective. Every season offers lessons, transitions, growth, opportunity.
Last week I talked about the winter season and how that looks in accordance to the Chinese elements. Today it struck me in a very personal way. How the seasons change. How I can choose to change with it and grow or fight it and keep repeating old patterns until I learn the lesson. I am not going to lie, I have banged my head on a LOT of walls learning lessons. No more. I am choosing to move on.
I decided to go back to my maiden name last year, I just hadn’t done it officially. Not a priority for me. Today for some reason, it just felt like the right time. I had already talked with the kids about it, and spoken with my parents. Ultimately it was my decision. So you know I did it the way anyone does it. I changed it on social media. Now, I will go through the legal process as well, that is proving to take longer than I thought it would!
On top of that, Kayla my oldest daughter, has her own place with her boyfriend. They are taking over Christmas, ugh. That was a tough one for me. Not only that, I packed up her Christmas ornaments and our Snow White tree topper that I bought when she was 2 with every intention of giving it to her when she had her own tree. And now is the time.
So for 23 years, I have put Snow White on top of my tree. Today I took it to my daughter to put on her tree. I am a big bundle of emotions naturally. So I was a blubbering mess!
Change. Aging. Seasons. Judgements. What I am faced with everyday is helping women. Helping them see the beauty inside. Guiding them to let it shine on the outside. While the outside world shouts at them that they need this injection, this peel, this laser, this latest and greatest whatever. Should I get a face lift? I don’t want Botox but I hate these lines. A little filler here and a little filler there. Won’t hurt? Right?
I am going to be completely honest with you right now, It absolutely pisses me off! Who decided that getting older had to look this way or that way? Why do we, especially women, hold ourselves to a standard that is impossible to maintain? I am in a group on Facebook for support from injectables and implants that have gone horribly wrong. Many days I have thought this makes you to angry, you need to leave it.
I stay though. To help where I can. To learn for you what can go wrong with these procedures. And still, even there, there is judgement in the way they look. Still worried about looking young.
What if we looked in the mirror and saw the beautiful things reflected back to us? The smile, the joy lines, the lost loves, the marks of children born, parents lost, memories, our strengths, our desires, our passions? What if we could look in the mirror and be ourselves. Unapologetically.
I am a 48 year old, divorced woman, from a little town in west Tennessee. I am a mother, daughter, sister, friend, confidant, teacher, healer, sometimes therapist. I am witty, fiery, passionate, emotional, giving, easily influenced, spiritual, psychic, smart, good with words, scattered, clumsy, scarred, sensual, critical of myself, skeptical of people, strong, indecisive, OMG the list goes on! I know this about me. I read it every morning when I look at that face in the mirror.
The seasons change. As do we all. What if we start a revolution. With love. Love of ourselves first. Then with every person we meet everyday.
Tis the season.