As we enter the last week of Autumn, ( I know right, it has felt like winter here for a while but the official date is December 21) I want to check in with you. Tell you how I have been coping, what I was shown, what I learned and what I am wanting to let go of. All to help ease the signs on my face.
Do you remember the scene from Pretty Woman? Julia Roberts character Vivian says “ People put you down enough, you start to believe it.” Richard Gere’s Edward says, “ I think you are a very bright, very special woman.” Vivian says, “ The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?”
That scene came up a lot for me this autumn. Fighting my feelings of unworthiness, ugliness, not being good enough, inferior, inadequate. I could go on and on and on..
I have made no secret of my path. That I am in therapy as a part of my healing journey. In that piece of healing I have learned that we all take on roles. In our families, in school, in society, business, social circles, parenting. Every aspect! We become conditioned in that role. When you start seeing it, WOW! I have been changing the role I have been playing to live a life from my complete and honest truth. Unapologetically.
My supporting cast have not enjoyed me not being exactly how I have always been. Having boundaries, self love, self care. There have definitely been some speed bumps on my path. Last week I woke up in the middle of the night hearing the voice of someone close to me telling me I was a moron. Yes, that actually happened. Then the very next day getting a message from a friend, asking me if I felt better as I had been under the weather. I said yes so much better. He told me me good, the world needs you. That took me by such surprise. And I thought, what! The world doesn’t need me! Why don’t I believe the world needs me more than I believe I am a moron. That scene from Pretty Woman popped into my head.
That very afternoon I had a client come in that was overwhelmed. We sat and talked a long while. She confessed to having a dark side of insecurities. It rang such a bell with me.
Why? Why is the bad stuff easier to believe? We have been conditioned that way.
Look at the commercials on television, social media, print ads. Everyone is homogenized. We cant be our true selves because we are conditioned to believe that isn’t good enough. We need to look this way, eat this food, take this supplement, dress this way, etc!
We look in the mirror and think I look old, I am so fat, so and so looks so much better than me and I am younger than her. Yada, yada, yada. We are our own worst critics and hell yes the bad stuff is easier to believe. I have been so good about releasing this Autumn, until… And today I sit here fighting a cough and a runny nose. So out of balance my emotions are a wreck, taking it out on those I am closest to because I feel bad. I recognize it. I see it, I feel it! How do I fix it?
Maybe some things can’t be fixed. I am in a chinese finger trap right now and the more I struggle the tighter it gets! I need to relax and let go and the trap will release. So thank goodness I have acupuncture today! I will see my energy healing guru Julie before the holiday and I am taking time to hike this weekend. All self care for me! For me and me alone to heal.
So now an announcement! I am excited to tell you I will be launching a podcast in January! It will focus on my spiritual journey, the different modalities I have used and found along the way. How I integrate alternative healing with my religious upbringing. How all of this relates to skin and ending with Face reading and how I know what my destiny is.
Knowing myself, who I truly am, learning to read the map, trusting the guidance of my spirit has been my greatest gift. At my core I know who I am, what I am capable of, the depths of my love for myself and others. Opening myself up to other ways showed one that not only is my fire still burning but that fire transformed me to the phoenix I am becoming.
Stay tuned. So much more coming in 2019!